The teenage mind
Teenagers have a wealth of stresses upon them as they navigate the transitional years from childhood into adulthood. Now more than ever before, the burden upon them of navigating changing hormones, friendship groups, personal identity and social media can lead to an overwhelming pressure to find the right path. Adding divorce or separation into the mix can only add to this, and lead to a child at an already vulnerable age seeking solace in online communities.
Online harm
The media furore following the release of the television program Adolescence has been extraordinary. Its subject matter is being hotly debated and there is talk of making its viewing compulsory in all schools (Netflix has already made it available to all secondary schools in the UK). The story follows the arrest of a thirteen year old boy accused of the murder of a female schoolmate and the shock of his parents learning of the online activities of their child. Where once parents could be comforted by the concept that their child is safe when at home with them, now there are grave concerns surrounding what they may be exposed to online, even in the safety of their own bedroom.
Types of online harm
The NSPCC Online harm and abuse: statistics briefing 2024 makes for worrying reading. 19% of children aged 10-15 admitted to talking to people online who they have never met before. Approximately one-sixth of online harassment victims were under the age of 18. There are a number of ways in which teenagers can suffer harm online including but not limited to:-
- Bullying and body-shaming – particularly through apps such as Snapchat where messages disappear after being read. Self-harm and suicide may be encouraged;
- Sextortion – being encouraged to send nude photographs and then being blackmailed with the threat of circulating the images: or using the same threat but by using digitally altered images;
- The Dark Web – teenagers are incredibly tech savvy and can access the Dark Web with the right know how. The risk of harm they may be exposed to on the Dark Web includes the ability to purchase weapons, extremist materials, drugs and extreme pornography;
- Grooming – both for sexual reasons and being drawn into gangs, such as county lines; and
- Being sent extreme images.
The dangers of online harm are a hot topic, and more and more schools are imposing a ban on the use of phones within schools. Australia has now passed a law banning children under the age of 16 from accessing social media (although how easy this will be to police remains to be seen).
How to communicate with your ex-spouse about your concerns
All parents need to consider their children’s online activities, and for separated parents the need for them to work together on this issue is critical. The teenage years are tricky enough without adding parental separation into the mix. Both parents need to recognise the importance of putting their own differences aside to prioritise the welfare of their teen(s) and ensure that they are not overlooked in the context of the separation. The need to show unity of response and support is paramount.
Advice
- Communicate with your teen together – it might be the last thing that you want to do but it is important as parents to prioritise the welfare of your child together and to present a united front. If one parent is expressing concern about what a teenager is doing online and the other parent appears indifferent, then a teenager will use that disparate approach to their advantage.
- Share knowledge – if one parent is alerted to a particular issue by a third party or because it occurs in their home, then that should be shared with the other parent so that they know what to look out for.
- Set ground rules – to bolster consistency it is far better for parents to agree rules about phones, social media and screen time that will apply irrespective of which household the child is in at any given time. If there is a different approach in each household then a teenager will seek to use this to their advantage.
- Monitor – agree how to monitor what your child is getting up to online. This may be by reviewing their device periodically or using parental control apps.
- Distract – encourage your child to take part in activities that take them out of their phone and engage them in sports, drama etc..
- Seek professional advice – If you have serious concerns then it may be necessary to discuss them with a mental health professional such as a child psychologist.
And if you cannot work together what next?
If you have tried to work with the other parent regarding concerns about a teenagers activities online without success then there are a number of steps that may be taken.
- Make an application for a Child Arrangements Order (“CAO”) – If a child is not being properly supervised by the other parent then it may be appropriate to make an application to regulate the time spent with each parent and require the parents to undertake to monitor the child’s online presence.
- Make an application for a Prohibited Steps Order (“PSO”) – this can be used to apply to prevent someone from doing something. For example, an order could be sought requiring the other parent not to let the child have access to the internet during certain times or preventing the child from accessing certain social media sites.
- A change of school – in an extreme case very recently parents had become concerned about their 14 year old son becoming involved in gang culture and possibly selling stolen goods on Snapchat. They removed the child to a boarding school in Ghana and the child sought to be returned to the UK. A judge determined that the boy was at a real risk of suffering greater harm if he was returned to the UK rather than remaining in Ghana and ruled, “the decision falls within what I regard as the generous ambit of parental decision-making, in which the State has no dominion”.1
- Involve authorities – If you are concerned that a child is beyond parental control and have serious concerns that they may come to harm there may be no option but to make a referral to social services.
- Deprivation of Liberty – these draconian orders are used where there is nowhere else for a child to go and there are serious and immediate concerns about their safety. For example in EBY [2023] EWHC 2494 an order was made under the inherent jurisdiction for an order in respect of a 17 year old girl. The young lady in question had parents with their own difficulties and was not adequately supervised. As a consequence of this lack of supervision she had been “drawn into the malign orbit of local criminal gangs who have groomed and exploited her to become involved in their criminal activities.” An order was made to protect the young girl from further serious harm.
Conclusion
There is little doubt that parents of all teenagers need to be mindful of what their children are doing online. It is impossible to monitor every online interaction but it is important to maintain an open dialogue and engage in regular discussions about online dangers and exploitation. Separated parents need to recognise the need to co-operate over the child’s online behaviours and to present a united front. In the event that interventions are required to regulate a child’s activities, the team at Payne Hicks Beach can advise on what steps can be taken under the Children Act 1989 to regulate matters.
For further information, please contact Kelly Gerrard, Legal Director in the Family Department or, alternatively, telephone on 020 7465 4300.
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