Put the interests of the children first
Following a separation, it is entirely understandable that each parent wishes to spend time with the children over the holidays, but drawing battle lines is not the way to proceed. Where possible, arrangements for the children should be agreed between the parents well in advance so everyone understands where they will be and there will be no last-minute disagreements. This can be very difficult to arrange, particularly if you are newly separated and it can be fraught with emotion. Focussing on the need to put the children first and to ensure that they are able to spend quality time with each parent (and extended family) should be a priority. Petty squabbles over the precise division of time is going to help nobody and conflict between the parents over the arrangements will inevitably be felt by the children and has the potential to cause them harm. Avoid making the children feel that they have to take sides and focus upon making the holidays a happy experience for them.
Look after yourself
In the first year of separation it may be advisable to make plans for the time that your children will be away from you spending time with the other parent. Keeping busy can help alleviate any feelings of loneliness and prevent you from dwelling on what the children are doing at any particular point. As well as making plans to catch up with friends and family it can also be beneficial to schedule in some self-care – exercising and eating well and prioritising your mental health. If you are feeling lonely or depressed then engaging with therapy or simply asking for help from your nearest and dearest can be a positive step.
Be generous
Even if you are feeling frustrated with your former partner, Christmas is a time when it is easy to be generous and this can help to forge a relationship which will make future co-parenting easier. Make arrangements for gifts to your former partner from the children, schedule in FaceTime calls and offer to send photographs so they can see that the children are enjoying themselves whilst with you. You will have many years of co-parenting ahead and establishing a positive working relationship for managing the children’s arrangements will stand you in good stead.
Make those New Year’s resolutions
The first post separation Christmas will inevitably be difficult. However, it can be a perfect opportunity to look to the future and to be open to a fresh start in the New Year. Planning ahead for what the next year post separation might look like can be a positive way to avoid dwelling on the past. Above all, making plans and resolutions should help you approach the New Year with a renewed sense of optimism.
For further information, please contact Kelly Gerrard, Legal Director and Knowledge Development Lawyer in the Family Department or, alternatively, telephone on 020 3911 2083.
To learn more about divorce, separation and family law visit our dedicated webpage and download a free copy of our Essential Guide to Divorce and Family Law here.
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