FIVE TOP TIPS
1. Divide the summer holidays and be flexible.
One of the most effective ways to avoid parental conflict is to start planning early by looking at a calendar and creating a clear plan on a division of time for the summer break. The earlier this exercise can be started the better. If you do not already have a set formula or Child Arrangements Order, it is essential that together you find the time to sit down with your co-parent and find a fair way to split the holidays. There is no “one size fits all” approach and finding the right balance will depend on your family circumstances – each parent’s work commitments, any commitments that the children have and any plans with extended family. Sharing the holidays does not mean each parent should have a mathematically equal number of days but rather that each parents’ plans are accommodated. It is important that you are flexible and receptive to each other’s needs. Unwillingness to compromise can escalate tension and undermine effective co-parenting.
2. Plan the Specifics in Advance
Once you have agreed the division of time then you can begin to plan the detail of the holidays. Unless you have a Child Arrangements Order in your favour (previously known as a “lives with” order) then you will need the consent of your co-parent to take your children out of England and Wales to go on holiday. In order to give consent, your co-parent must be provided with basic information about the holiday, such as departure and return dates, flight numbers, airports, details of where you and the children will be staying, etc. If you do have a Child Arrangements Order in your favour, then you can take the child abroad for up to 28 days without the consent of the other parent, but it is good practice to extend the same courtesy and keep the other parent informed about travel plans as early as possible.
None of the above should be controversial – whilst you may be reluctant to share with your co-parent the address of the hotel or the villa where you will be staying, think of what you would want to be told if your child(ren) were travelling with them. Obviously, the sooner you can provide this information, the better and providing this information willingly can help separated parents reduce conflict and work together more harmoniously. It is unlikely to assist relations with your co-parent to send them last minute or incomplete details.
3. Organise Passport Handovers and Travel Consent
Many disputes during summer holidays stem from issues around passport handover. Don’t wait until the last minute to agree the handover arrangements. If the passports are currently in your possession and your co-parent needs them for a holiday, agree in advance on when passports will be transferred and returned. It is likely to cause your co-parent stress and anxiety if the passports are handed over with short notice, i.e. on the day the holiday takes place. You will also need to agree between you when the passports should be returned. Conventionally, the passports will remain with the parent that last went on holiday with the children until the other parent needs them, but it is important you agree the logistics between you.
Any parent with parental responsibility for a child needs to consent to their child(ren) leaving England and Wales even if for a short holiday. Therefore, consider preparing a signed travel consent letter with your co-parent, especially if your surname differs from your child’s.
The travel consent letter should include confirmation of your consent for your children to travel, should include your name, address, email, telephone number and specifics of your relationship to your child. It should also include flight and accommodation details for the trip. It is not uncommon for parents travelling on their own with children to be stopped in airports and to be asked to provide the necessary consent, especially if the parent travelling has a different surname to the children. In fact, this applies to non-separated parents as well – it is always sensible to travel with a letter of consent from the other parent. In some countries this is a requirement and it is important to check this in advance. These simple co-parenting strategies help prevent unnecessary airport stress and demonstrate mutual respect.
4. Help your child stay in touch with their co-parent
While holidays are meant to be a special time for both you and your children, children still benefit from keeping in contact with their other parent. Whilst daily calls and messages may be perceived excessive, a quick video call or a few shared photos can go a long way in reducing parental conflict and showing your commitment to a balanced co-parenting approach. Think about what you would like if your co-parent was on holiday with the children and how often you might like to be able to speak to the children whilst they are away. Think about how you’d feel if the roles were reversed, and act accordingly.
5. What to do in the event of disagreement?
Despite your best efforts and following the guidance above, some level of conflict may arise. If conflict occurs it is important to remain calm, level-headed and think about how best to resolve the issue and bear in mind the central consideration – what is best for your children? Far too often, parents refuse to provide their consent for their children to travel for purely selfish reasons without thinking about whether or not the children would benefit from the holiday in question. Invariably, and subject always to safeguarding and welfare considerations, perceived wisdom dictates that children going on holidays with their parents is a positive experience so you will need a good reason not to agree to a holiday taking place.
You need to have an open mind to all methods of dispute resolution and to try to resolve matters without recourse to the courts. If you disagree with a proposed holiday, articulate why and make a counter-proposal or suggest resolving the matter in mediation or arbitration. The courts are inundated with applications relating to children right now and last-minute applications for permission to travel abroad are increasingly unlikely to be heard (or likely to be listed at a time when the holiday dates have already passed).
Be aware though: refusing to agree a holiday in the knowledge that the court may not have the time to deal with any application your co-parent may bring and not agreeing to engage in alternative dispute resolution is unlikely to be a wise move – the family court is increasingly expecting parents to resolve their disagreements without resorting to court and if you oppose a holiday and do not actively engage in non-court dispute resolution then you risk exposing yourself to the court’s sanctions should formal proceedings ever be issued. This could prejudice your position down the line.
Final Thoughts
Navigating co-parenting during the summer holidays requires forward planning and co-operation. By planning ahead, engaging in civil communication with your co-parent, and prioritizing your children’s needs, you can reduce the risk of parental conflict and ensure that everyone enjoys a peaceful and memorable break.
For further information, please contact Alex Curran in the Payne Hicks Beach Family Department or, alternatively, telephone on 020 7465 4300.
To learn more about divorce and separation, you can download a free copy of our Essential Guide to Divorce and Family Law here.
For more information on child arrangement orders, click here.
