Moving through divorce to a brighter future – focus on the future and moving through depression 

When a relationship has endured for a significant period of time the loss of that relationship can lead to a complex web of emotions including:- 

• Grief that the relationship is over; 
• Sadness at the loss of a once trusted confidante; 
• Fear for the future of broader relationships – with in-laws and with mutual friends – will they “pick sides”; 
• Anxiety over practical concerns –managing alone without support in place; 
• Anxiety over financial concerns – having to fund two separate households; 
• Fear for the well-being of any children – how will they adjust?  Will their mental well-being be impacted? 
• Fear of being lonely – both at the loss of a partner and also at the thought of having periods of time when the children are with the other parent. 

Divorce is not simply the end of a relationship – it is a far-reaching change that can impact all aspects of an individual’s life.  As a consequence, it is little wonder that people going through such challenging times can find themselves suffering from depression and anxiety. 

Depression 

Depression is a mood disorder that causes symptoms that can make daily life challenging and difficult to navigate.  It can have a far-reaching impact on an individual’s impact to manage life on a day-to-day basis.  Depression can make daily life feel like a challenge – everyday activities like going to work or attending social events can seem overwhelming.  Individuals may find engaging legal services challenging and difficult to navigate.   

Depression can manifest in a number of ways.  An individual may lose their appetite and lose weight visibly and swiftly.  Conversely, they may stop taking care of themselves and seek comfort in over-indulging in food or alcohol.  They may be unable to sleep and become visibly exhausted.  They may engage in harmful behaviours including self-harm. 

How can an individual start to focus on the future and move through depression 

Acknowledging that divorce is a stressful period of time is the first step.  There are multiple steps that can be taken to make navigating the divorce/dissolution process easier. 

1. Find the right legal team – whilst navigating the technicalities of the divorce is a straightforward process, resolving the division of finances and the children’s time are far more complex and emotive issues.  You will spend a lot of time working with your legal team and it is important to select well qualified and experienced lawyers but also to select a team that you can work well with.   
2. Self-help – there are a wealth of resources available and it pays to do your own research about what to expect during the divorce process.  You should be prepared for your first meeting with your lawyers by providing them with information in advance and by having a list of questions that you would like them to address. 
3. Find your professional support services – engaging a professional therapist or life coach can be an invaluable resource whilst going through a divorce.  Professional support can be enormously helpful and a safe space.  There may be private or emotional matters that you don’t wish to discuss with your legal team or friends and family.  You also don’t want to be paying your lawyer’s hourly rate to talk to them about your feelings! 
4. Create your support squad – it may take a little time to ascertain who is on your team and some care is needed in the early days to discover where loyalties lie.  However, this is the time to call on those close friends and to make sure they are in your corner.  Making time to prioritise social activities can be hugely beneficial. 
5. Be patient – there is a tendency to want to get things over with as quickly as possible.  Whilst this is understandable there is only one opportunity to get the right settlement in place and it is better to allow the process to take its course than to compromise now and have regrets further down the line. 
6. Self-care – taking care of oneself, both physically and mentally, is of crucial importance when going through a divorce.  Taking the time to eat and sleep well and to prioritise exercise will put you in a good place.  Adopting healthy practices such as mediation, mindfulness or yoga can have a significant impact on stress and depression levels. 

The future is bright 

When you are in the trenches of divorce proceedings the process can feel overwhelming and all-consuming.  However, you will find a way to move through it and life on the other side can be bright.  Whilst it can feel terrifying to start to plan a new life as a single person, it can also be a hugely exciting time where one effectively has a clean slate to write a new story moving forward.  

It can take a little time but finding acceptance that the relationship is in the past can be the first (but hardest) step to moving on and starting a new story.   

For many that new story will have to include an ongoing relationship with their ex – where you share children this is inevitable.  But taking the time to consider your boundaries and working to find mutually acceptable routines and methods of communication can make the process more manageable. 

Now is a time to keep close to your support system and to plan positive and fun activities and set goals.  This may also be a good time to consider taking up new hobbies.  You can also involve your support system in making plans for the future and in creating a new life that reflects how you want to live going forward – for example you may have been tied to the city for your ex’s work but now can consider a move to the countryside.  You may choose to travel more or change the type of accommodation that you reside in.  It may be the first time in a long time that you can organise your life however you please – from what you eat to what time you go to bed. 

Above all, be kind to yourself, accept that starting a new life you are happy with is not going to happen overnight and believe that the future can be bright.  The future will be what you make it. 

How we can help 

Payne Hicks Beach is a full service law firm and we have many years of experience in guiding our clients through the divorce process.  In early 2024 we launched a campaign in which family lawyers (both from within our firm and from other firms) collaborated with psychologists, psychiatrists, academics and others to provide guidance for family lawyers on working with vulnerable clients who may be experiencing difficulties with their mental health. Our research into this area has resulted in the preparation of a suite of documents that can be found on our website.  Of particular relevance to anyone who is going through a divorce and is feeling anxious or depressed we would recommend reading our “Vulnerable Clients Survival Guide” prepared by the Montrose Health Group which contains invaluable advice to anyone finding themselves navigating divorce. Please click here to be taken to this free resource.

For further information and advice, please contact Katie Parkes or Kelly Gerrard, Legal Directors in the Family Department or, alternatively, telephone on 020 7465 4300 

To access our dedicated webpage with free Essential Resources for Supporting and Protecting Vulnerable Clients  click here. 

To learn more about divorce and separation, you can download a free copy of our  Essential Guide to Divorce and Family Law here. 

To learn more about Prenups and Postnups, you can download a free copy of our Essential Guide to Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements here. 

To learn more about Modern Family Law visit our dedicated webpage and download a free copy of our  Essential Guide to Modern Family here.