The emotional side of discussing Prenuptial Agreements (“PreNups”) with a partner
Getting engaged and planning a wedding is often one of the most exciting experiences one can have. Whilst planning the venue, the flowers, the dress, the band and so forth, there can often be an item on the wedding planning agenda that is met with rather less enthusiasm – discussions around entering into a PreNup. Yet for increasing numbers of couples, entering into a PreNup is a crucial part of their pre-wedding planning and one that needs to be handled sensitively.
Where one party raises the possibility of entering into a PreNup it can sometimes feel unromantic to the other party. It can lead to accusations that they don’t believe the marriage will last or that they don’t trust them and believe they are only in the relationship for financial benefit. It can lead to feelings of anxiety and insecurity. Discussions can be emotionally charged and need to be handled with extreme sensitivity. The discussions around a PreNup may raise topics that a couple have not previously considered.
Understanding the Emotional Response
For many, marriage symbolises love, commitment, and a lifelong partnership that a couple are embarking upon together. Introducing the concept of entering into a legal agreement may seem contradictory to the romantic ideals of marriage. Some individuals may fear that discussing a Prenuptial Agreement implies a lack of trust or an expectation of failure and it may feel like a rejection. It may also cause suspicion that there are matters that they are unaware of.
An additional stress factor may be where the impetus for the agreement comes from wider family members rather than the couple themselves. If an agreement is suggested by future parents-in-law then this may cause feelings of resentment and also concern that they are getting involved in the couple’s relationship.
However, it is important to acknowledge these emotions and approach the conversation with sensitivity. Partners should reassure each other that a PreNup is not a reflection of doubt or insecurity but rather a proactive step towards mutual financial understanding and protection. It should be a path that they embark upon together, as equals, to take mature decisions about the organisation of their financial position and what they consider to be fair in the event of a future demise of the relationship. Discussions around PreNups can often be illuminating and lead to a couple having frank discussions about how they will organise their financial affairs during the marriage as well as in the event of a separation.
Raising the PreNup Spectre
It is important to open the conversation with empathy, consideration and respect. Be prepared to explain why you think a PreNup is right in the circumstances and offer reassurance that it is no reflection on depth of feeling or commitment but is a practical and protective financial planning step. Rather than viewing it as a precursor to potential marital difficulties, a PreNup should be considered a tool for building a strong foundation based on trust, transparency, and shared responsibility.
A well-drafted PreNup allows couples to define financial expectations, clarify asset ownership, and set terms that reflect their unique circumstances and their own relationship. This clarity can, in turn, prevent future misunderstandings and disputes, offering peace of mind to both parties.
Navigating the Discussions with Care
To minimise emotional distress and encourage a constructive conversation, couples should consider the following approaches:
- Foreshadow the discussion – it may be worthwhile indicating to your partner that you would like to have a discussion about the financial aspects of your impending marriage and would like to set aside time when this can be done without distractions.
- Plan in Advance – discussions around a PreNup should be commenced well in advance of the wedding and not sprung on one party when the planning is well under way.
- Choose the Right Time and Setting – Initiate the discussion in a calm and private environment where both parties feel comfortable and relaxed and are not likely to be interrupted or distracted.
- Emphasise the Mutual Benefits – Frame the agreement as a means of protecting both individuals and their shared future, rather than as a divisive issue. Agreeing the terms of a PreNup should be the result of teamwork, not of one party imposing their will on the other. Emphasise that the goal is to reach an agreement that both parties can consider fair.
- Listen and Acknowledge Concerns – Ensure that both partners have the opportunity to express their feelings and concerns without judgment. Avoid ultimatums. If discussions become heated, step away and restart the conversation when emotions have cooled.
- Seek Professional Guidance – Each party will need to have independent legal advice once discussions have commenced.
At Payne Hicks Beach, we are committed to guiding couples through this process with compassion and professionalism. We aim to ensure that every client feels informed, reassured, and empowered to make decisions that protect their future while strengthening their relationship. If you have any questions about PreNups, our team of experienced solicitors is here to help.
For further information, please contact Kelly Gerrard, Legal Director and Knowledge Development Lawyer in the Family Department or, alternatively, telephone on 020 7465 4300.
To learn more about Prenups and Postnups, you can download a free copy of our Essential Guide to Prenuptial and Postnuptial Agreements here.
To learn more about divorce and separation you can download a free copy of our Essential Guide to Divorce and Family Law here.
To access our dedicated webpage with free Essential Resources for Supporting and Protecting Vulnerable Clients click here.
To learn more about Modern Family Law visit our dedicated webpage and download a free copy of our Essential Guide to Modern Family here.
